"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH"

Take a lesson from an "Instructional Negress.

"YOU KNOW WHAT would be just delightful? A T-shirt bearing an Afro-rocking smiley-face that reads, TOUCH MY HAIR AND LOSE YOUR HAND.

See, I'm an African-American woman who spends a great deal of time trying to keep people of other backgrounds literally out of my hair. Children stick their grubby mitts in and get caught. Grown folks who should know better feel free to say stupid stuff like, "Ooh, it looks really soft. Can I touch it?

"Listen, everyone:you don't pet people. A shirt announcing my hair as off limits would free up time better spent answering vital questions like (these are real) "do black people bruise?" or "are black girls better in bed?"

I answer though, because I'm an Instructional Negress. I've known since I was 9, when my fourth-grade teacher asked, after my oral presentation on Winnie Mandela, if my hair was "extenders." I learned then that at any time in mixed company, I could become a one-minded person informational sideshow.Example: While traveling in Ireland a few years ago, I met some Australians. After establishing the kind of instant rapport that only comes from being strangers together in a strange land they tried to add me to their international experience.

"Can you say, 'You go, girlfriend'?" "What? No." I said. "I don't know anybody who actually says that." "C'mon, say it. We get Jerry Springer." "Fuck you. No." "Say it." "No.

"Frankly though, I prefer overt assholery to the well-meaning kind. I have a colleague who calls me the aforementioned "girlfriend," even though she's been told that I hate the expression.

But at least my colleague hasn't whipped out the old "you black girls are so confident in your bodies" shtick. What a marvelously backhanded way of telling me you're amazed that I'm fatter than you--but apparently don't hate myself. On hearing this kind of quip, I tend to go into bitch mode. Or rather, I go into instructional mode, which is often perceived as bitch mode, because a black woman isn't allowed to criticize anything or anyone without others assuming she's "just being a bitch."

A few mothns back, I was relaxing with a friend at a lounge in Chicago's Gold Coast, a grown-up hangout tucked amongst playgrounds for the beer-pong set. We were soon approached by two white guys. It took only a single round of Jack Daniels for one of them to admit he'd "never been with a black girl before." I'd love to know if he thought that approach was appropiate for all woman of just black woman.

I'm inevitably, hurtfully, blindsided by this type of thing. I always dwell, later, on what I should have said in the moment. But, ever the Instructional Negress, I don't have a fit whenever somebody asks me why black women are "so angry". I'm just tired of being on-duty all the time. I wish people would put down their Field Guides to the American Negro (not a real book) long enough to learn about me the same way I learn about them: by shutting the hell up, reserving judgment, and paying attention. Some days, I'd like to just be my overeducated, watermelon-loving, smart-ass, no-singing, spaz-dancing self-- without anyone assuming that I possess any of the above characteristics because of or in spite of my complexion.Now, will all that fit on a T-Shirt?

VIBE MAGAZINE
by: Nia R. Williams

Now for anyone who has EVER said "Why do you get so defensive when I make "comments like that" here's your answer next time shut the hell up, reserve judgement, and pay attention. It's DEEPER THAN GETTING YOUR HAIR "buzzed", if you don't understand ASK SOMEBODY. AND if you think this is a racial concept then you're as superficial as they come. I'm not asking ANYONE to be politically correct I'm TELLING you to come correct and VOICE YOURS.